Understanding the Importance of Self-Care for New Mothers

Self-care has become a buzzword associated with unrealistic routines, expensive products, and a surface-level attention to wellbeing. It can seem even more out-of-touch to suggest self-care in the context of early motherhood when resources like time, money, and energy are already running short.

This post isn’t about those things – it’s about the small, everyday practices that you can show up for whether you have 30 seconds, five minutes, or however long the baby naps. It’s about practices that require gentle consistency – exercising even when you only have 20% to give, or eating one vegetable a day instead of none, even if your ideal is five. Importantly, self-care in this phase of life is about being able to live in the gray area and tolerate imperfection.

While maybe before baby you were able to commit to an elaborate bedtime routine, or have daily step goals, or cook three homemade meals a day, for most of us those things are simply not possible with a new baby. But when we try to hold ourselves to these standards (and inevitably fail to meet them), we risk giving up completely and effectively deprioritizing our own wellbeing.

Taking care of ourselves makes it easier for us to take care of others, but it also models to our children that self-care matters. That being kind to ourselves and respecting ourselves matters. Our kids are watching us, and learning from what we do and how we move through the world. We can preach all day to them the importance of caring for and loving ourselves, but if we aren’t showing that to them in our own actions, the words are meaningless. And while your baby might still be…well…a baby, it’s never too early to start practicing the behaviors you want your children to emulate.

So, without further ado, let’s get into practical self-care strategies that meet you where you are in this time of life, categorized by time and energy level.

Practical Self-Care Strategies

Physical self-care

Low energy:

• Put your legs up the wall for five minutes while checking email, scrolling social media, or responding to texts.
• Eat one fruit or veggie during the day.
• Drink a glass of water after brushing your teeth.
• Speaking of which, brush your teeth.
• Take a shower with the lights off.

Medium energy:

• Go for a walk – however long you can realistically manage.
• Switch between hot and cold water in the shower, or take a long, steamy bath.
• Put on a yoga, pilates, or stretching video and follow along, even if it’s just ten minutes.
• Stretch while your morning coffee is brewing.
• Sit outside, even if just for a few minutes.

High energy:

• Do a full exercise routine.
• Take an everything shower, and take time to put lotion on afterwards.
• Eat something colorful at every meal.
• Drink 40–60 oz of water over the course of the day.
• Take a morning and evening stroll.

Mental self-care

Low energy:

• Find a show or podcast or hobby that gets you out of your head. Distraction isn’t always a bad thing.
• Order a comfort meal from your favorite restaurant.
• Reread a favorite, familiar, lighthearted book.
• Write one sentence before going to bed that describes how you’re feeling.

Medium energy:

• Find a therapist or a local support group, and schedule a first session.
• Take stock of how you’re doing, and be honest. How do you feel when you wake up? What are you feeling when your head hits the pillow most nights?
• Connect with your partner and let them in on what you’re thinking about and struggling with.

High energy:

• Make a list of things other people can do to support you. Maybe that means getting a babysitter one or two days a week, even if just for a few hours. Make a plan to execute the things you come up with.
• Do something for someone else – it can help get you out of your own head and feel productive.
• Try a new, easily accessible hobby, or learn a new skill. Some ideas: knitting, a complicated baking recipe, a coloring book, or crosswords.

Social self-care

Low energy:

• Reach out to a friend – send them a text or voice memo, or give them a call, just to say hey.
• Ask your partner or best friend (someone who feels effortless to be around) to do something just the two of you.
• Sit at a coffee shop while your partner watches the baby, to be around other people without having to talk.

Medium energy:

• Ask a friend to dinner, or have them come over for takeout and a movie.
• Send a friend a letter or some flowers, just to let them know you’re thinking about them.
• Reconnect with an old friend.
• Be vulnerable and tell a friend how you’re really doing – what you’re struggling with.

High energy:

• Find a friend you can schedule a recurring date with – maybe you watch a weekly show together, or go on a walk every Sunday. The key is to make it recurring.
• Join a group or class – book club, pottery class, or even a weekly pilates or yoga class.
• Host people without overly preparing. A bring-your-favorite-takeout night, or pizza and wine night. Make it casual.

Creating a Self-Care Routine

Now isn’t the time for elaborate routines or overhauling your life. The more you’re able to incorporate recurring, easy-to-do plans into your days and weeks, the more effortless taking care of yourself will feel. That’s why I’m partial to recurring plans – whether that’s a daily walk, a weekly movie night with your partner, or a class you take. The more automated you can make self-care, the easier it will be to do even just a part of your usual routine, no matter how exhausted you are.

Overcoming Barriers to Self-Care

If there’s one thing we know about motherhood, it’s that time, energy, the need to show up perfectly or 100%, and the guilt that often accompanies taking time for ourselves all get in the way of self-care. All they do is keep us stuck in a state of inertia, in which breaking the cycle only gets harder and harder. The smallest step you can take is worth everything. So use the ideas I’ve given above, create your own “menu,” and choose activities that meet you where you’re at. Challenge yourself to show up, even in the smallest of ways, no matter your energy.